Monday, May 30, 2011

Some Strangers are Nameless Friends

Before we can be friends we need to be strangers. Strangers play such a huge role in our lives and yet I'm sure so many people don't see how. Because really? How can someone you don't know make your day/ week/ life better?? It's easy, and it's these strangers I like to call nameless friends. A small gesture (eg. a smile) can change your whole day. While out at a local club Saturday night my friends and I came across a number of nameless friends in amoungst the sea of strangers.

A club patron cleared the table off for us to sit at before we had a chance to do it ourselves or get bar staff to do it. Very sweet xx
Out on the dance floor as per usual quite a number of nameless friends wanting to dance :-)
Compliments on my singing from a number of people (I still think they need their hearing tested but oh well)
Free mini m&m's and fun conversations with a particular club staff member, are just some examples of things that made my night enjoyable.

Of course I had a great time with my friends who'd come out with me, but I just felt the need to promote the power of strangers in our lives, our nameless friends. I appreciate their presence in my life even if it was only for a number of seconds. Sometimes we get lucky enough to form a stronger connection with our nameless friends that we progress to learning their names and they become our friend.

For now I must go rest but I just wanted to put it out into the world my appreciation for strangers THANKYOU

Nat xx

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Time to get away

Oh my I'm an emotional wreck at the moment. It's becoming more and more obvious I need to find a way to get out of this area that I live in... and although weekend getaways and holidays are fun, they still mean coming back and having the majority of time here. Not what I want or need anymore. Don't get me wrong I have some fabulous friends here, who I'd miss dearly, it's just all the other stuff that really points out my life is no longer here.
Ultimately the thing that kept me here all these years was my ex, yet he's moved on with a new girlfriend. I'm now completely excluded from any birthday events from his side of the family, the family I've been a part of for close to 9yrs. The people I love and call my family, the people who've been there for me and yet now they've been forced to choose.
It is too hard living with these daily reminders of what I can no longer have or be a part of. Of which there appears to be no concern of how I'm doing or how I feel. I can normally put my feelings into written words but right now the way I'm feeling honestly I can not find the words to describe my emotions. There's just too many going on, hurt, pain, anger, frustration, fury, disbelief, sadness, depression, and they go on...
I'm not neglecting my children, they're not in any danger etc, yet I know I'm not at my best and for as long as I'm here I'm not able to be. My children deserve a happy mummy who is at her best, which is why I want to move away from here and get us to the country.
I love living in the country I always feel right at home when I go to visit friends and family out there. I've been told I could probably get a transfer to that area with work in the near future.. I just don't know bout moving my boys so soon. I'd kinda prefer to wait till December holidays for their sake yet it's a catch 22 seeing as how I am feeling the urge to go more and more with each day.
It may just mean I need to make more trips back there when the opportunities arise in the meantime. Just as I'm doing this coming weekend. I really am so excited and can't wait for it to be Friday already so boys and I can make our way out to Coonabarabran. We haven't been out there since last weekend in October 2010 so 5 months. I'd love to get out to Dubbo in the near future too.
Oh and just as a little off the subject note: Clare and Norah have safely arrived in England.

Take care
Nat xx

Monday, March 21, 2011

One week is here...

So it's 1:04am and I'm dreading today. Emotions will be out of control today in Sydney airport. Even as I try to write this post, the tears are building up, my chest feels so heavy & I can't think of the words I want to write.
I'm really not too sure how Jaidan will be, as I'm just not too sure he really understands what's happening. Conner however got teary before heading to bed knowing what the day had in stall for him. He really is such an emotional person, and I love that about him. It can make things a little bit draining at times, but none the less we find a way to carry on.
Ok so I just got a little distracted, as happens with me. I was checking my emails and well a great deal caught my eye from Deals Direct ( so I went to have a better look and well kinda lost track of what I was doing. So it's now 1:50am and to be honest I'm kind of trying to avoid remembering what today is. I'm actually a little tired, yet not quite ready to sleep because I know there's still stuff I want to organise for today.
I'll probably post later tonight and maybe I'll make a little more sense.. ah who am I kidding this is the REAL Me, I tend to write what's in my head, whether it flows from the last thing I wrote or not...

Take care
Nat xx

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Forgetful Mummy vs Mean Mummy

Where do I start? As mothers, well parents, we take on many roles to help shape our children, to protect them, prepare them, love and nurture them. Quite often our best intentions aren't really received by our darlings with open arms, but we push on anyway. Now, there are a couple of things that have happened over the last few days that brought me to the title above!
Ok so the main story around forgetful mummy is also in a way a mean mummy story, but more in the sense that it's how I felt when it happened. As mentioned in an earlier post my Sister in law and niece are leaving Australia on Monday to move to England where Clare is from. What I haven't mentioned is that they were planning on leaving in February, but due to some paperwork issues they had to reschedule. I like to give my boys some notice about these types of big events so they have a chance to process what's happening and ask questions etc. Early December the boys father, Shane, (one of 4 boys) well his eldest brother moved with his wife and 2 children to Cairns. It was a move that we'd known was coming for a while and so I wanted to also keep the two things seperate, then get through Christmas without too much stress or worry. The boys and I had a trip planned to Coffs Harbour just after Christmas to spend time with my parents, and my brothers family. In my head I'd decided I'd break the news about Clare and Norahs' move whilst we were there. Well that didn't happen as I changed my mind when their plans were rescheduled. So let's skip forward to yesterday, yep March and less than a week till they leave... Whilst talking to Clare on the phone and planning to meet up with them at Sydney airport, I told Conner he wouldn't be at school Monday so that we could see Aunty Clare and Bubby Norah (this is what the boys & I have called Norah since birth!) Well the lightbulb went on and the bells started ringing as Conners face dropped and it hit me I'd completely forgotten to prepare and tell my boys. So we had a very teary afternoon and I honestly felt so bad.
My mean mummy role at the present time (it actually feels like I play this role often, but I know really I don't) is based around trying to figure out if Conner is actually unwell enough with the ear infection, to warrent numerous trips to school sick bay then home yesterday and today. Or is it more a case of the boy who cried wolf and knows he's got a good excuse to leave the classroom. A bit of background to why I question this scenario. Recently Conner has had a few incidents at school and his reasoning behind why he did them was 'because it got me not having to do schoolwork that's boring' Conner is and always has been quite clever when it comes to finding a way out of something, or finding a way to try and get what he wants. One such incident actually had Conner having to clean the boys toilet floors (The principal sought my permission first and gave him the proper PPE to wear as well as supervised the process) The day after the incident I spoke with the principal and told her what he excuse/ reasoning Conner had given me for his behaviour, to which her response was 'I did find it strange he was so enthusiastic about cleaning it up, most kids would have been reluctant and really not too happy yet Conner actually seemed to enjoy it, and I must say he did a wonderful job' My solution to him seeing being sent to the principal as a way out school work, was to arrange with her if in future Conner is sent there, work will be waiting for him to do! Score 1 Mummy :-)
Now Saturday night the pains in his ear started and we had a restless night, to the Dr Sunday confirmed ear infection, antibiotics started. Sunday night still not good, Monday home from school resting (and some brotherly fighting... umm brotherly love yes that's what I meant!) Took self to bed at 630pm slept right through till 7am Tuesday morning. Says 'yep I'm right for school' off he goes, I take Jaidan to preschool and make my way to Sars' for some scrapbooking and to catch up. Just as I'd predicted the school calls to say Conner is in sick bay, complaing of sore ear can you come get him, of course I go get him.
I explain he needs to just rest/ sleep or if up to it can do some homework, "No you are not watching cartoons or playing, you are sick and had to come home" ... "But resting is boring" yes i guess it can be for a 6yr old, us parents love it when we get it!! It wasn't long before I got a text from Sar to say her son too had to come home - sore belly- i tell Conner to which he says ' yeah I know he told me he was, so umm can we go over there for a playdate now?" Like I said, He will find or at least attempt a way to get what he wants! Of course the answer was a rather clear No.
Skip through till Wednesday, fine to go to school, been there an hour and a half, I get fiirst phone call, explain I can't come till at least midday as I was in mediation with his dad. No probs, can I call and see how things are when I'm done. So I do that, no worries he's been taken back to watch class do sport and eat lunch with them then hopefully participate in his work... I go meet Sar for walk and coffee... on the walk they call again, can I come in to see him. In the end I go get him to take him to see Dr again (Oh did I mention the biggest smiles to greet me and the running from office to his classroom) we now have eardrops to speed up recovery and one cranky mummy trying to work out what really is going on.
As I sat in the Drs waiting area and hearing the well known soapie line 'like sands through the hourglass..." it occurred to me how when I was younger and home ill from school I absolutely LOVED watching Days of our Lives and Young & the Restless. Have I been too hard on Conner not letting him watch cartoons the last two days, does the mean mummy need to back down a little? I'm hopeful Thursday will be a full day with nil phonecalls from the school, nil trips to sick bay or Drs & provide a little time out for this stressed Mummy to get her scrap on with San.

Take Care
Nat xx

Monday, March 14, 2011

One week from today...

My world will change in a way that's hard to describe but I'll give it a shot anyway. My Sister-in-law Clare, is from The UK and has been living out here in Australia with my brother for just under 4years. Well next Monday Clare and Norah (my neice) will be making the long flight back to The UK to live, my brother will be going in a few months time too. Although they've lived a 7hr drive away from me and we may not have seen each other overly frequently, there's still that sense of knowing that if i really wanted to I could get my way there, just for a weekend. It's not that simple when they're on the other side of the world. Flights aren't cheap, not to mention it's not really somewhere you can just duck to for a weekend. All I can really say is that I will miss them all immensely and thank goodness for Skype & Facebook already two of my 'best friends' but I forsee us becoming even closer.
I think too that not knowing of when we'll next get to sit and chat over coffee, watching the kids playing together or having a laugh is so daunting. I fear that as Norah grows and my children grow they won't know each other as I'd hoped as cousins they would. Too is the fear I won't get the close bond as an Aunty I'd always just assumed I'd have seeing as how I only have the one brother. We will just have to make the best use of the technology we have to make the best of a sad situation.
I do understand of course it's not all about me etc, and they're doing what they want and need to for their family. However this blogspot is MINE and is about getting to know ME, so it's my feelings etc that I'll express and share here.
I may post again later but I just needed to get that out after i crossed off today on the calendar and it hit me they'll be on the plane this time next week with no turning back :-(

Take Care
Nat xx

Needed To Type

I don't know that I'll ever get right into this whole blog scene, but I know I need to type right now so figured I'd give it a shot to maybe start this up... I thought I might as well give some background to who I am considering I haven't yet done that.
So my name is Natalie Dunworth, I am currently 27yrs young although May 23 will be here soon enough and 28 will become my new age. I am a mum to 2 beautiful boys Conner James (CJ) and Jaidan Tait (JT) and I'm not ashamed to say that most of what I do, I do for and because of them. I say most because yes sometimes I do things that are just for me, they're all about me doing what I want... these things really don't occur too often and so I don't feel too guilty for doing them. I was in a long term Defacto relationship with their father, however we seperated back in May 2010. I am a Permanent Part-Time employee for Department of Human Services more specifically their Ageing, Disability & Home Care (ADHC) sector. I am now classed as a Disability Support Worker (DSW) over the 9.5yrs I've worked in this job we've had a number of restructures each one bearing new titles for the same position. At present and since returning to work after having Jaidan I am in a unit where we provide respite for children. I really do enjoy my work, although as with everything in life it has it's low days too. If I continue to remember to make the effort to blog you'll hear more about how I ended up doing the job I do and many more things about where I've come from to get to where I am now.
 I am the eldest child and only daughter to my parents Paul & Michelle Dunworth, my brother Adam is 2yrs 4days younger than me. Adam has a gorgeous daughter Norah with his girlfriend Clare Brookes. Clare is a great mother and also a fabulous artist check out her website here: (I hope that works...)
My eldest son Conner is 6yrs old and is in Year 1 at school, Jaidan my baby recently turned 4yrs old and he is in the school readiness class at Preschool, as he will start Kindergarten next year. They are alike in many ways and yet complete opposites in so many others. I do what I can to help out at both the school and Preschool, I'm on the parents committee with Preschool and I do canteen twice a month at Conners' school.
Well for now I must dash, CJ is unwell and in pain with an ear infection causing him to wake crying every 15-20 mins :-(  He's on antibiotics and we hope he'll be on the mend real soon xx

Till Next Time Take Care
Nat xx

Friday, December 17, 2010

Oh to find the time...

Well I haven't posted for a while because I've not really thought about doing it.. this is a new thing to me.. Facebook I'm a pro at, twitter I do sometimes a bit like this. More bout when I think of it but it's not just part of my daily routine. Not that I have a daily routine and if I did it would be thrown out the window currently anyway. I've been socially busy but considering it's almost 3am I really should leave all my news till another time.
Take care