Oh my I'm an emotional wreck at the moment. It's becoming more and more obvious I need to find a way to get out of this area that I live in... and although weekend getaways and holidays are fun, they still mean coming back and having the majority of time here. Not what I want or need anymore. Don't get me wrong I have some fabulous friends here, who I'd miss dearly, it's just all the other stuff that really points out my life is no longer here.
Ultimately the thing that kept me here all these years was my ex, yet he's moved on with a new girlfriend. I'm now completely excluded from any birthday events from his side of the family, the family I've been a part of for close to 9yrs. The people I love and call my family, the people who've been there for me and yet now they've been forced to choose.
It is too hard living with these daily reminders of what I can no longer have or be a part of. Of which there appears to be no concern of how I'm doing or how I feel. I can normally put my feelings into written words but right now the way I'm feeling honestly I can not find the words to describe my emotions. There's just too many going on, hurt, pain, anger, frustration, fury, disbelief, sadness, depression, and they go on...
I'm not neglecting my children, they're not in any danger etc, yet I know I'm not at my best and for as long as I'm here I'm not able to be. My children deserve a happy mummy who is at her best, which is why I want to move away from here and get us to the country.
I love living in the country I always feel right at home when I go to visit friends and family out there. I've been told I could probably get a transfer to that area with work in the near future.. I just don't know bout moving my boys so soon. I'd kinda prefer to wait till December holidays for their sake yet it's a catch 22 seeing as how I am feeling the urge to go more and more with each day.
It may just mean I need to make more trips back there when the opportunities arise in the meantime. Just as I'm doing this coming weekend. I really am so excited and can't wait for it to be Friday already so boys and I can make our way out to Coonabarabran. We haven't been out there since last weekend in October 2010 so 5 months. I'd love to get out to Dubbo in the near future too.
Oh and just as a little off the subject note: Clare and Norah have safely arrived in England.
Take care
Nat xx
Kids are very flexible Nat you need to do what is right for because kids can sense when something isnt right and you need to be at your happiest so your kids can be xx
ReplyDeleteOh honey, I know we've talked and talked about this...but I still don't want you to go. :(
ReplyDeleteThanks Erin, that's exactly what I'm feeling... Yes Sar i know you don't, but I was looking at it and trying to figure out a way for me to make it appeal to S so he won't make it difficult for me... and well figure we could probably come back most weekends, not all but most :-)that way even if he does have to work over the weekend he could see them outside work... ? It's an option...
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